My 62-year-old mother sat down and developed a doable workout routine that she looks forward, too! I am so pleased.
She started in the Spring but already has a group that sort of sprung out of it.
After my dad wasn't there she was often lonely, but with the group she has something that lets here interact with her neighbors and keeps her fit.
She is thinking about a chair yoga class that is offered at the anex building. She was sort of turned off because they advertised it as an elderly class. Is 62 is elderly now?
Sorry, I don't think so.
Only when child care is equal between mothers and fathers will there be real equality both in terms of women and men being able to dedicate the same amount of time to career and form relationships with their kids.
Both parents need to be encouraged to actually USE the parental leave they're given. I know policies of mandatory paternity leave exist in some European countries already, but I would have loved that here in the States when we had our children. We're not even guaranteed paid holidays or time off, maternity leave is a joke as best, and paternity leave is nonexistent in most cases.
And yet...
In the long run it's even good for the soulless corporations too - they tend to be like spoiled children, wanting everything that makes them feel good now, but having better cared-for children, equal advancement for both genders and more stable families really is good for everyone. Sometimes you just have to force them to take measures that are good in the long run.
That's just the short answer though. There's more in the details...
I guess I am just spending a lot of time thinking about what food has meant to me my whole like. Both my parents grew up pretty poor.
My family is not poor, we're your typical middle class American family (both my husband and I work), but I love some of the simpilist dishes you could imagine, particularly the stuff I grew up on.
We are all healthy and happy and I have the piece of mind knowing that we are eating home cooked meals. Thouh I think I made it sound simplier than it really is. I actually put a lot of effort into making things as healthy as I can.
My mother did the same thing but she never counted a calorie, or looked on the nutrion facts. I really don't think that they had them when we were growing up. But we were also happy and healthy. I think that the trick might be making extremely simple meals. But she really never had to count calories. She simply choose the right foods to eat.
I think mainly because she didn't have the option to spend a small fortune on chips, candy, and soft drinks. When we had them it was as a treat, and it actually was a treat for us growing up.
I make sure my childen see it as that as well.
My new co-worker, she told me that coffee was bad for you and plus she didn't like the taste. The same went for tea, though she "would" drink it with sugar and milk. She thinks that water is a fad and prides herself on the fact that she has gone without drinking a glass of water in over a year.
Last week she had five kidney stones removed. Five, and they were all over an inch. Three of them were between one and two inches. That is what happens when you only drink the fun beverages.
She is twenty-two years old by the way.
To me, family is WAY more important than career. A job is a means of survival, and ideally should interfere with family as little as possible.
Yet, the survival is the part that keeps me coming back every day. I am perpetually exhausted. Happy, fulfilled, challenged, but exhausted. There are some things I have done to work on striking balance. I find that insulating my family from the day job is important.
My husband does not bring work home but I have to and so it ca conflict with my views.
What I do is simple, I do all my planning for the week on Saturday or Sunday morning, but NOT both. I work collaboratively with colleagues who share the same job with me, I will do Saturday or Sunday and they will cover the other day. What I dois wake up early while everyone else is sleeping in, go out on my back porch with a cup of coffee and spend 3-5 hours working with few distractions compared to the business of the work week.
I allow myself the freedom from perfection. I know I could do better if I sacrificed my family a little but I won't.
Your best at both is impossible!
When I was growing up my brother tried to make my life less than enjoyable. It was just the way it was, there wasn't any reason for it. I am a lot younger than he is, but it didn't detract from the attention he received from our parents. My mother was especially prone to being taken advantage of and "sticking up" for him even when everyone else was sick of his antics. My father actually threw down the law and tried to keep him in line, while mom would intervene on my brother's behalf. It was a stressful time. But once he left the house everything changed. He moved away and made little contact, which was fine with me and dad.
We only ever heard from him when he wanted/needed something. Money usually. But also a shoulder to cry on. It was usually on my mom's shoulder, but dad kept him in line.
Now that my father is gone big brother has made a reappearance in my life. And, while a sane person would see why things are tense, just can't grasp why I am keeping him and his fiancee at bay. My husband can't stand him because of all that he put me and my family through. And bless his heart he stands up for me when my brother get's mouthy. But now I am getting pushed by my mother to host a bridal shower for my "future sister-in-law." It is just what my brother wants.
I am supposed to host a shower for her and introduce her to the family.
And honestly, and I guess this is the purpose of the post today, I said yes.
It wasn't for my brother, but my mother wouldn't let up and I am partially mad at her for it. But I also don't dislike the woman he is marrying, and I can only hope that he treats her better than everyone else he has ever had contact with.
The Bridal Shower
So now I am stuck with making plans for a bridal shower for a woman I don't know and a brother that I can't stand. Thankfully I am not alone with this, the internet is there for me when I need it most. And more importantly I am able to find people with, while different, similar situations for myself. After a little bit of searching I found people to cry do. Okay, I didn't really, but I found some women that had the same thing happen to them, namely, they had to plan a bridal shower for somebody that they didn't know that well. And it seems like it went well enough.
On the Cheap
I think what bothers me the most, and I am not stingy mind you, is shelling out money on my brother's future wife and know that he will not appreciate it, nor will it be enough.
I have a family to feed, bills to pay, and yes I am a little bit annoyed that I have to shell out money to appease his ego.
That is why I agreed to do the bridal shower, but I am going to go as cheap as possible. I won't have it at my home, I don't want him here, mainly because I don't know who else they will invite and I don't want contact with his friends. I have worked very hard to ensure that he doesn't come around.
That is why a good friend of mine, I would go as far as calling her my best friend, has agreed to host the bridal shower at her restaurant at cost. Though I plan to give her and her staff a really big gratuity for all of their effort.
I have been friends with her for close to ten years and she knows the whole family history so it is easy for her to understand my position on hosting the shower. And she is willing to step in and put herself in as the third-party. Having friends is wonderful.
She will be preparing all of the food.
Which means that I will not need to make any big plans for feeding the guests. They will handle all of that on the day of the shower. She is reserving a room at the restaurant for us to celebrate in. Right now the guest list is around twenty-five people but there is just enough space for that many people, and if he tries to bring more well ... if they aren't on the list yet, I am not going to set aside any additional space for them. I am sorry, it is just not going to happen.
Honestly, this is going to be a really easy bridal/couples shower for me to organize. I say couples shower because my brother is such a hog for attention I don't think that he will pass on the opportunity to be in the lime light.
Still I am not going to make it a couples shower, at least not on paper. I am sending out the standard style of bridal shower invitations. The kind that are all pink and girly, the ones covered in glitter and scream feminine. If he wants to crash the party then he is going to have to such up his pride and that is something that is hard for him to do. I won't say impossible, but very hard none the less.
I was looking around for invitations and honestly there are so many beautiful options out there to choose from that I sort of wish that the bridal shower was under other circumstances. I would have a lot of fun picking out invites for a real one. But since all of my closest friends are already happily married it really isn't going to happen.
The Guest of Honor
The woman he is marrying is really shy. At least that is the feeling I have gotten from her so far. I say so far because I have talked to her a total of three times since it was "decided" by my mom and I would be welcoming my future sister-in-law into the family. It isn't something that I would have picked out, but....
I have gotten zero input about what she would like. She doesn't give me anything in the way of ideas. I honestly don't know anything about her. Like I said, she has been cordial when I talk to her on the phone. But when I ask her what she would like she always tells me to decide. One thing that I know is that she is from Buffalo, NY, which I know very little about. My brother met her when he was working for his previous employer. He would assemble machines on site and she just happened to be the secretary who was at the front desk.
Listening to her describe it, well, it fits my brother's way of handling things.
Let's just say, uhm, direct.
In All Honesty
This is something that I never could have imagined. Honestly, not in a million years.
That I would host a bridal shower, sure, that isn't out of the ordinary. Plenty of women do that at some time in their lives, but that I would be asked/expected to do it for somebody that I have never met and don't know in the slightest. That is stretching the limits of my imagination.
I will make another little confession. I am actually getting excited to met her. After all I can't imagine what this is going to be like for her. She is moving across the country to be with my brother, and let me just say if you haven't noticed already, he is less than dependable. So she will be up against a lot. And from the impression I got on the phone she is a down to earth and pleasant person, somebody that I could actually like spending time with.
What would be fascinating would be is if I actually gain a "sister" from the experience.
I think that it would be a trade that I am willing to make.
But I will wait until after the woman's bridal shower, possibly even the wedding, before I go that far.
